If you think the Hatfields and McCoys went at it, you should see what happens in some families when a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or dementia. It can make that “other” feud seem like child’s play!
Additionally, it can give rise to tremendous resentment on the part of those who do the care-giving for those who don’t.
When this happens, there’s only one thing to do: Recognize that there’s absolutely nothing you can do. And – even harder – let it go!
You have enough to handle. Any additional family matters will only weigh you down even more. Sometimes, family members may be afraid to see their loved one in such a state…or they may be in denial. But that’s their problem. You can only do what’s necessary to take care of yourself.
Care-giving is the toughest job in the world. And it can get even the strongest person down. So your personal priority should be to seek help – from people who can give it to you, rather than those who can’t. Some people seek professional counseling. Others join support groups, where you’ll quickly learn that you’re hardly “the only person” who knows what you’re going through. And, if your family can’t be there for you, maybe a good friend can.
You may want to keep your family in the loop, about the condition, and how your loved one is doing. But don’t harbor false expectations. For the most part, nothing you do or say to your family is going to motivate them to help, if they’re not already motivated.
Even if they can’t help, though…we can!
At The Law Offices of Alice Reiter Feld & Associates, we have one of the largest Alzheimer’s/Dementia Resource Centers in South Florida.
Over the past 33 years, we’ve walked thousands of South Florida families through the Alzheimer’s Journey, with comprehensive estate planning, wills, trusts, powers of attorney, long-term care planning, asset-protection plans, and assistance with Medicaid or the VA. And with another type of “protection,” as well – guidance for the caregiver.
We have the answers to your questions. And we’re just a phone call away.
I’m The Only Family Member Doing Caregiving. How Do I Deal With That…And With Them?